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Sally's Journal
April 23rd, 2003
12:49 pm


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Nothing is happening at all. I can't get interesting in this write up for the life of me, but the mere presence of the write up means that I won't give up and get on with my interesting waves work. Which is bad, as the supervision on it is tomorrow.

Or why not to give your society to anyone else even when you think you don't want it any more.

Last Michalmas, James was a wonderful, friendly person, who I fancied and loved as a friend, who helped me out of the giant mess of cules I was trapped in, and who would listen to me cry, confide in me about his life, and hug me and call me his favourite little sister.

Now he's just some really irratating, uptight prat half the time... he hasn't been human to me for ages. Every email I get from him is blunt and curt and cold, and answers whatever it has to in the most defensive way possible. I tried to think it was because he has to seperate friendly stuff from running cules, and because he was exam stressed, but sending him pointless friendly non cules stuff just doesn't get an answer anymore, and it's starting to feel like it's more than just that.

The worst thing is I don't know why... yeah, I went a bit out of order with RHATCOD, but had tried so hard not to for the whole term, and he knew I was trying, it was only when it was dismal at the dress I finally snapped, and even then I could have been far worse, and yes, I know I was too drunk at the annual dinner... but it doesn't seem enough really, to have spoilt a friendship that good. Was it? Or have I just been really awful in some other way and just haven't even realised? That's what scares me...

On top of all that, which is what hurts me the most, is a whole host of little things that start to worry me. He was really cold and officious when Noga talked about Voles on twister, and put a lot of the oules noses out of joint... in fact he's put a lot of the old LES's peoples noses out of joint just by taking it all too seriously. The idea is the president takes it seriously so it all works, but never lets the rest of the world see this otherwise it stops being fun... He hardly ever makes socials anymore, didn't come to the easter egg hunt... yeah, I know he's got exams. Wonder if he'll be at the pub meet tonight?

On top of that he cast the varsity match personally, by invitation only. No auditions, no talking to anyone else about it... and the more I think about it, the best thing it was to do in a lot of ways, as he'd seen us all act, so there was no point auditioning us, and we don't want new cules for the varsity match, they can audition for the mayweek shows, so he really would have cast exactly the same after wasting everyones time with an afternoon of auditions. But...

It's the way he just said he was doing it like that, not running it by the committee first, and then *after* he's done it and cast lists are out he sends a little "Yeah, if this is a problem you can talk to me about it" line in the middle of a giant email, but by then he's got it signed and sorted anyway. He should just have run it by the rest of us and persuaded us it was a good idea *before* he did it. I think half the reason he's narked with me today is that I sent my email of questions to the committee list, rather than just to him, thus letting the rest of cules committee notice we can talk to each other and discuss things that are going on rather than bowing to James dictatorship...

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