I'd like to claim I wrote this for mirabehn, but she explicitely stated she wanted something for a varied crowd with no in-jokes. So I will have to confess it's for the_alchemist instead...
A little list of India, with apologies to G+S
As some day it may happen that the tourists will strike back,
I've got a little list--I've got a little list
Of the dratted touts of Delhi who I'll put upon the rack,
And who never would be missed--who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who try to sell postcards--
The people selling cups of tea that strew the ground with shards--
All drivers who when asked a price will quote a figure large--
The nice man with the elephant who mentions not the charge--
And all the tuc-tuc drivers who on double fares insist--
They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed!
CHORUS. He's got 'em on the list--he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of
'em be missed.
There's the never ending salesmen who adorn the marketplace,
Pickpockets in their midst--I've got them on the list!
And the schoolboys with their peacock fans that won't get off your case,
They never would be missed--they never would be missed!
Then the never ending metroworks that clog up half the road,
And the swindling rickshaw drivers that will state "museum closed" ;
Then will drop you on the pavement, from your destination far,
With friends who tell you where to go but won't say where you are;
And the grim distorted beggers who never do desist--
I don't think they'd be missed--I'm sure they'd not he missed!
CHORUS. He's got them on the list--he's got them on the list;
And I don't think they'll be missed--I'm sure
they'll not be missed!
And the patronising foreigners I've also come to know,
The English humorist--I've got him on the list!
Who talks in pidgeon language and then makes it really slow--
They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed.
And never ending burocrats and queues that never move,
And pointless forms for pointless things that still you have to prove,
And if you want to know the rest you'd have to go and see--
For India's far too big to be neatly described by me.
Yet now I'm back on Englands shore and writing out this list,
And they're all of 'em now missed--they're all of 'em now missed!
CHORUS. You may put 'em on the list--you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll all of 'em be missed--they'll all of 'em be missed!