All I have to do is dream... - Sally's Journal
All I have to do is dream...|
My subconcious is playing games with me again.
What do you do when you have a really vivid and real dream when something important happened* between you and someone you care about, and you wake up full of emotion and then you realise it hasn't actually happened and life hasn't changed and they won't have a clue what you're remembering when you look at them because it wasn't them!
I mean, I can cope with that. I have a little mantra of "It's a dream, it's not real, get over it, it wasn't them". But while I can be rational, there are still gut responses when there are strong emotional completely unreal memories bouncing round your brain about people, that it can be very hard to filter out.
Is it just me that gets this? It doesn't happen very often, I don't tend to remember dreams, and even then most of them are about completely random things.
*Perhaps you declare undying love, or make mad passionate love, or perhaps you have a screaming row, or maybe they commit some terrible crime against you
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 10:12 am (UTC)|| |
This used to happen to me quite often. Where applicable (which is to say, if intimacy allowed), I'd try to tell the person in question so that at least they'd understand why I was so flustered. Where not applicable (much more often), I just grit my teeth and try to keep reality and dream seperate. Not fun, but doable.
Emotions are screwy things.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 10:19 am (UTC)|| |
Almost invariably dreams that are vivid enough that I remember them I find are also lucid; so it's not a problem beyond
oh, that was a nice dream.
Not to me, but I've heard other people describing it.
Does it/they bear any relation to anything you've been thinking about (or even avoiding thinking about)?
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 10:23 am (UTC)|| |
Well, in this case yes, but not always. Or at least, not always to the best of my knowledge, I will accept mumbo gumbo about what I think I'm worried about and what I'm actually worried about not actually being the same.
Obviously the nice stuff is just my hind brain being sick of behaving itself in real life and wanting to get its fun somehow. I'm not sure why sometimes my subconcious wants my friends to be nasty to me though... *thinks she shouldn't think about this too hard*
Obviously the nice stuff is just my hind brain being sick of behaving itself in real life and wanting to get its fun somehow.
I'm not sure why sometimes my subconcious wants my friends to be nasty to me though... *thinks she shouldn't think about this too hard*
Well, it's not *necessarily* meaningful. Could it be your subconcious thinking "I feel guilty about alpha and deserve to be yelled at" or "Beta is a really good friend. I wonder if I'd still be friends with if we had a row" or "Help, there's no major problems in my life any more and I don't understand this, quick, manufacture a crisis"?
I get that from time to time. Sometimes it's a right pain and I have to angst about what my subconscious is up to, and talk about it to someone if I can. Sometimes it's a cheering thing that keeps me going in spite of life being crap.
(Sometimes it's just nice to have the subconscious confirm what the conscious thinks it's feeling.)
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 10:47 am (UTC)|| |
You're getting quite into this LJ comments thing, arn't you :)
How does it feel to be on the dark side? ;)
Bah, humbug, etc.
I commented quite a bit before as an anonymous person.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 10:54 am (UTC)|| |
Oh yes, I was just perminently confused over whether you were Stark or not :p ;)
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 10:26 am (UTC)|| |
I don't tend to remember dreams either, and on the rare occasion I do they tend to feature situations rather than people (*). When I to I tend to wake up; think that was an interesting dream so try to force myself back to sleep to continue the situation; fail to return to the dreamworld; so give up and get up properly.
(*) I'm sure this says something about me.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 10:29 am (UTC)|| |
This happens to me quite often; I am frequently disturbed by the vividness of my dreams, and the intensity of the emotions they provoke in me (usually fury; I am never furious when awake!). Recent ones I can recall involved my parents or G. being unspeakably unreasonable and objectionable, and me screaming and shouting at them in fury, breaking off all relations, running off into the countryside etc. etc. It is quite a relief to wake up and find that nothing bad has happened at all.
I once had a dream that the last three months had been a dream, and woke up very unhappy. But in general, I know when I'm dreaming. If circumstances go in a direction I don't like, I try to control them, and that leads to me waking up.
I once had a 'blank' dream, too. Not an unremembered one - a remembered dream with zero content.
I once had a 'blank' dream, too. Not an unremembered one - a remembered dream with zero content.
How very Zen.
I have that too sometimes, and afterwards it can be "What a relief that I didn't actually do that." or "Oh, that's a shame that didn't happen.".
Or both :-)
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 11:03 am (UTC)|| |
It depends what's making you concerned - are your dreams expressing emotions that you feel in real life (fear, anger, love, feeling neglected) that you haven't confronted with that person in real life? If the emotions are no present in any way in your conscious life, you should be able to shrug the dream off pretty easily. Sometimes dreams try to deal with things that we are not dealing with in real life - sometimes we might not even be fully conscious of these feelings or ideas. Do you suspect that your dreaming mind is trying to tell you something that doe apply in real life?
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 11:08 am (UTC)|| |
heh. that doesn't happen to me much. I usually remember dreams only when something happens to remind me of them. and then occasionally it's slightly odd when the dream happened a while ago, and I can't remember whether something or other really happened or it was a dream. but not usually important stuff.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 01:08 pm (UTC)|| |
I have such dreams very occasionally. One of them was distracting for ages...
They do happen to me occasionally. I'm normally fine unless it's an ex/partner involved, because for some reason that hits my emotional centers much harder.
Mind you, I only tend to remember dreams if they are very intense in one way or another anyway, so it's not like I have a category of 'confusing dreams' and 'non-confusing dreams'; 'remembered-for-once dreams' pretty much covers it.
Yes, rarely but noticeably. But as ashfae
said above, it's usually stuff you Can't Talk About with the people involved. Although when the dreams are pleasant, there's not much need to talk about them. After you've got over the *does my brain really think that* reaction, they can just be a nice secret.
Not just you! As it happens, last night I dreamt that a male former colleague of mine (on whom I may possibly have had the teeniest of teeny crushes) revealed to me that he was actually a woman, and therefore sleeping with him/her would not count as cheating on Jif. So we did...
The whole dream was explicit/vivid/real enough to have me questioning, today, whether I'm as straight as I think I am! Weird.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 02:55 pm (UTC)|| |
I get that kind of thing occasionally, with really vivid dreams and very memorable/believable events happening. Once I was even so convinced that a certain thing had happened that I took it up with that person, only to become highly embarassed when they didn't have the faintest idea what I was talking about.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 04:06 pm (UTC)|| |
Yes, this happens to me. Normally in my case followed on by realising it's a dream and not wanting to wake up. Hmm. With one very notable exception which you already know about. In general, I would advise you to talk about said dream with whoever starred in it, but you knew that without me needing to tell you.
Usually when I do this it's a dream about fighting with someone, and it can sometimes take a couple of days for me to stop feeling either angry with them or guilty.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)|| |
Oh I get this all the time. Almost every night I dream dreams that are so vivid they are more real to me than my real memories. I just try and remember what memories fit where.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 10:13 pm (UTC)|| |
Once in 6th Form just before term I dreamt a friend had died and (still dreaming) I went to school where no-one was meant to be talking about it no matter how sad they were. On the first day back she wasn't there, and no-one was wondering about it or mentioning her. Not the best of times.
Luckily it had been all a dream but I had to tell her (when she did come in) to get rid of the anxiousness because worrying about it was certainly no fun. And she thought it was sweet.
|Date:||July 29th, 2005 11:21 pm (UTC)|| |
The one that tends to catch me out is background knowledge in a dream. Foreground stuff I can spot quite quickly and filter out, but things that weren't part of the main plot of the dream tend to linger for longer and confuse me.
For example, there was a case a number of years back in which there was somebody I very much wanted to go out with. I went to sleep one night and dreamed an implausible sci-fi saving-the-world sort of dream, except that it just happened that also in this dream the person in question was going out with me. It wasn't made a big deal of in the dream; most of the emphasis was on the sci-fi, but she was just there providing comfort and love when the sci-fi plot got stressy. I woke up the next morning, immediately recognised the sci-fi weirdness as dream-stuff, and had no trouble adjusting to the idea that none of it had actually happened. But it was only about half an hour later, after I'd gone through most of my morning routine with an enormous smile on my face and practically singing out loud in my general good mood, that I suddenly realised that I wasn't going out with the girl either. Rarely have I been more annoyed at the practical jokes my subconscious plays on me.
|Date:||July 30th, 2005 09:15 am (UTC)|| |
I occasionally have this, mildly - I recently woke up feeling very crap and guilty about my failure to deal suitably with someone's birthday before realising that there was still a month or so to go.
Most difficult to cope with was when, for a while, I was having deeply prosaic and boring dreams about entirely plausible but uninteresting things happening in my life; then there was very little cueing of the difference between dreamt memory and reality, and on at least one occasion I was disappointed to find I still hadn't done a rather tedious bit of work a week after it had needed to have been done.
On the receiving end, the time that L. woke up furious with me because of a dream was rather reminiscent of Douglas Adams' man "reeling, like they'd been mugged in a meadow". Trying to work through this with a child who's not fully sorted out the fact that dreams are different is ... interesting; I think in some ways that occasion may have helped her understand the difference.
Someone with conscious awareness of the fictional nature of a false memory is unlikely to be remotely as difficult to deal with as someone without that awareness; dealing with the latter is most unpleasant.
|Date:||July 30th, 2005 10:40 am (UTC)|| |
I've just got used to having completely inappropriate dreams about people. I don't think my mind means anything by it, at least I hope not.
My mother once told me that dreams could be your subconscious' attempts to explore situations and feelings so you didn't make the same mistakes in real life. So if you dream about, say, kissing someone behind your boyfriend's back and feeling appalling about it, it saves you the trouble of doing so for real to find out how you'd feel about it.
This only works if it feels bad.
On the subject though of having potentially relationship-altering dreams about people, I admit a couple of times in 2003/04 I had dreams that I was going out with girls from CLC (different ones on each occasion) and the next day I woke up extraordinarily happy, until I realised it was all in my head :-/ I think that on one occasion I even woke up rather surprised that I was actually rather attracted to her at a subconscious level, and developed a substantial crush on the girl in question for a few weeks.
Can't help you about friends being mean to you in dreams. In my dreams I only ever argue with people I don't like anyway.