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Re-reading old diarys... a hobby remarkably similar to picking a… - Sally's Journal
August 20th, 2003
05:08 pm

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Re-reading old diarys... a hobby remarkably similar to picking a scab. You know you're just preventing things from healing properly, and it hurts, and isn't exactly enjoyable... but there's a strange fascination and a kind of pleasure to the pain...

Although tbh I've been meaning to do this since I went away to Warrington. Roald Dahl may have boasted that he was able to remember what it felt like to be a child, but my memory has enough difficulty remembering who I am at the moment, let alone who I was. Accordingly, I vowed I'd flick through all my diarys from when I was at school to see if I could remind myself... (this would have been of much more *use* before the anti bullying workshops, but is still just as interesting now...)

And I've been playing my lp collection again, which I never get to do when I'm in Cambridge... all in all a bit of a blast from the past day. Interesting to point out that even 5 years ago I was still a short sighted, self centred meddler trying to stay happy in a world where so many of my friends weren't...

Old songs....

"What's the point in faith, she said
if it's a mile wide, but only one inch deep?
Who needs a safety net anyway?
they're for cowards and fools who're scared to fall
This could have been everything
But we couldn't be bothered so we kicked it in...
It's hard to live and it's hard to die
But hardest of all is to say goodbye
To the part of yourself that just can't survive
If you've got to destroy things to stay alive..."

I feel like I'm perminently on the verge of tears and I don't have a clue why. I'm missing M too... wish I was back in Cam with him. See, I am selfish, I can cope when he sits at home pining and I have all the fun (well, just about) but now he's in Cam with Emma and everyone I just feel so terribly far away from him and all he's doing...

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