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Feeling slightly side-lined. Don't know why. Cathy and Sam the… - Sally's Journal
October 7th, 2005
10:45 pm

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Feeling slightly side-lined. Don't know why. Cathy and Sam the other week left me feeling like this, with their sparkling careers that dash off into their wennish future, leaving me watching the sunset shining on their dust. And M is throwing himself into term with a vigour, a vigour that leaves me watching him run round to radio shows, choir rehersals, talks, and journal clubs, and Cambridge, and the Future, and it isn't my future any more.

Oh woe is me, to allow myself to sink into drunken, lonely self pity. And how hypocritical, to want to meddle in the lives of others with more energy than I have to sort my own life out.

I'm turning into a bitch. If I am not careful, I will get rid of all that I still have left, with my grumpyness, my tendancy to snap, my lack of tolerance, and my ability to obsess boringly. But I barely have the energy to keep going, let alone to fix stuff. I just need something to do... it doesn't need to be Great, or Good, just enough to keep me going and feel worthwhile and pay the rent. Normal people manage it.

The sun'll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
There'll be sun
Just thinking about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
Till there's none
When I'm stuck with a day
that's grey
and lonely
I just stick out my chin
And grin
And say
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow
You're only a day away


Of course, as my mother was fond of saying, tomorrow never comes. At some point you have to find the energy to make today something you can believe in. But I'll do that tomorrow...


PS: the more observant of you might have noticed it's my birthday in a week or so. If you like me, please don't wish me happy birthday in scrolling text. Scrolling text really irratates me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so mean, (or so arrogant as to assume I have friends who would want to wish me happy birthday in scrolling text ;) ) Blinking text annoys me too, as does big text. I'm very boring like that.

(27 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
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From:emperor
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:15 pm (UTC)
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*beep*

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From:mst3kgirl
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:36 pm (UTC)
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I see why she loves you. :-)
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From:emperor
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
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*beep*

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From:mst3kgirl
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)
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See comment above.
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From:francita
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:39 pm (UTC)
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Um...incidentally,how do you make text scroll?
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From:mst3kgirl
Date:October 7th, 2005 11:19 pm (UTC)
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I believe it's html like this:

{marquee}silly text{/marquee}

With the {}s replaced with the usual < >s
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From:cartesiandaemon
Date:October 7th, 2005 11:37 pm (UTC)
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Can I kill him? Please? :)
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From:ilanin
Date:October 7th, 2005 11:37 pm (UTC)
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Stop being so childish!
From:nlj21
Date:October 8th, 2005 10:01 am (UTC)
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Just to be different
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From:rochvelleth
Date:October 8th, 2005 01:09 pm (UTC)
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Wow... How do you do that?
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From:king_of_wrong
Date:October 8th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC)
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You could... um... view the page source...
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From:pseudomonas
Date:October 10th, 2005 09:11 am (UTC)
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moo

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From:francita
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC)
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*hugs*

You have a tendency to quote songs that I then want to rush off and download from somewhere.
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From:mst3kgirl
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:36 pm (UTC)

re: birthday wishes

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Can I write it backwards in a silly font? :-)
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From:atreic
Date:October 8th, 2005 09:27 am (UTC)

Re: birthday wishes

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If you really want to... I mean, it's your LJ :-/
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From:enismirdal
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)
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Thanks for the warning! *makes note of this* I take it silly colours are also a no-no?
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From:atreic
Date:October 8th, 2005 09:08 am (UTC)
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Silly colours are much less annoying, but indeed they will not cause my heart to leap with the joy of being well loved. Apologies for being Old and Dull
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From:ptc24
Date:October 7th, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC)
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This OK?
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From:cartesiandaemon
Date:October 7th, 2005 11:40 pm (UTC)
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*hug* Uncertainty time is a normal time to be grumpy. Best of luck.
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From:miss_next
Date:October 8th, 2005 07:17 am (UTC)
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I was about to comment to the effect that assuming you have friends who would want to wish you happy birthday in scrolling text isn't arrogance, it's pessimism. But then I saw the other comments. :-) I must admit that I, too, hate the marquee tag, but that's because I used to be on the abuse team on Blurty, which is a journal site for over-18s. I specialised in chucking kids off the site, and so I have seen more scrolling, blinking and otherwise hyperactive text than anyone would want to see in a lifetime!

And, chin up. You can make your own future. If I can land on my feet after having my degree wrecked by my parents (with the best of intentions), marrying a man who eventually walked out leaving me with all the debts he could land on me, being unemployed for fifteen years, and suffering several fairly bad bouts of depression, then I think you may just turn out OK in the end. It does rather depend whom you want to compare yourself with. :-)

*hugs*
From:ex_robhu
Date:October 8th, 2005 10:11 am (UTC)
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I've only seen on good use for the BLINK tag, and it looked like this:

Schrödinger's cat is NOT dead.



...


Of course the big question is that if you don't want those things then what would you like for your birthday?
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From:rochvelleth
Date:October 8th, 2005 01:08 pm (UTC)
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*hugs*

Serious question: shouldn't blinking text have some sort of epilepsy warning anyway? I only just thought about it...
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From:nonameyet
Date:October 8th, 2005 01:53 pm (UTC)
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Yes.
Just like wobbly cheesgasm icons.
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From:rochvelleth
Date:October 8th, 2005 02:29 pm (UTC)
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:) I suspect this one needs it too...

Actually, in all seriosuness, I might add an epilepsy warning to my user page...
(Deleted comment)
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From:rmc28
Date:October 9th, 2005 12:42 pm (UTC)
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What on earth does "wennish" mean?
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From:atreic
Date:October 14th, 2005 08:00 am (UTC)
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Well, the Great Wen was a term for London in Ye Old Days (wen being a sort of boil, goutre or pustelence) So while I'm not claiming it's a real word, wennish was being used to mean "of the wen", ie from London derogatory
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