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Just to join the masses of explanation that the_alchemist… - Sally's Journal
August 31st, 2005
05:24 pm

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Just to join the masses of explanation that the_alchemist started off, let it be known that I talk to M*. I talk to M about pretty much everything, especially things that are upsetting / worrying unless specifically told not to. Whether I talk about things *when* specifically told not to... well, of course I'm going to say I don't. It may even be true (actually, I can only think of one thing that I was specifically told not to tell M. And I didn't**).

This is a generally healthy thing, I think. And LJ is no different from any other means of talking to me. My general assumption is that if a post is friendslocked but not marked as filtered and we're both friended, we can read it. This has been proved wrong in the past (although whether this is because people a) trust one of us more than the other or b) don't update their filters sensibly is anyone's guess. It would be interesting to know)

I don't, however, give my password to anyone. Which is a pain, as I would really like to do LJBook, or similar, and I can't think of a safe way of doing it except manually myself.

*Yes, I know, nearly married and *still* talking to each other!

** That situation was incredibly hard for me, for a huge number of reasons. I think asking someone to bear a secret alone shouldn't be done lightly, and the person sharing the secret should consider the cost on the person they tell. Which doesn't mean it isn't sometimes the right thing to do.

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From:rmc28
Date:August 31st, 2005 05:04 pm (UTC)
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Tony doesn't have my password to anything. However: when I was unexpectedly admitted to hospital, I considered giving him my email password because I wanted an out-of-office message set up. I didn't need to because he could use his administrator rights on Hermes, but I would have done so. I also knew that I hadn't screenlocked my PC and had left a browser logged into LJ, and so he was able to update my account to let people know what had happened to me.

I suspect that if I'm ever incapacitated again, I'll do something similar. I trust Tony not to abuse the access, i.e. to do just what I have asked him to do, just as I trust my housemates not to use my PC without permission, which is why I don't always screenlock it.

In general though, yes, I do talk to Tony about most things. If I'm reasonably certain that someone doesn't want a subject talked about, I won't mention it. If someone is telling me something in person that is clearly sensitive, I may check with them, but my default is to discuss things with Tony, especially if they are emotional or bothering me. Not being able to talk about something difficult is something I hate.
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From:ilanin
Date:August 31st, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
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Don't worry, it's only after you get married you're supposed to stop talking to each other...
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From:ashfae
Date:September 1st, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
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Us too, it seems. I blame you for being such an awful role model. ;)
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From:ewx
Date:August 31st, 2005 06:10 pm (UTC)
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Like I said elsewhere I do tend to assume that couples talk to one another. (And also that housemates might - perhaps accidentally - see things over one another's shoulders, etc.)
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From:pw201
Date:August 31st, 2005 10:00 pm (UTC)
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Goes to see what the_alchemist said...

Ah. That's a little tricky. I generally assume that one half of a couple will know what the other half knows, unless I specifically request otherwise.

I also agree with the comments about not putting up anything which would do you or anyone else serious damage if it were disclosed: aside from the fact that your privacy is entirely at the mercy of LJ anyway; if someone is untrustworthy or careless, the most that friends filters will accomplish is narrowing the set of people who you suspect of leaking your deep dark secrets.
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From:lisekit
Date:September 1st, 2005 08:28 am (UTC)
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That post comes over a bit nutty. I mean, I use filters for some posts (although much, much less than I did when I had a full-time job - I largely locked things to hide the fact I was blogging at work!) but I tend to assume that things I say on LJ may not necessarily stay there.

This topic has been round the block before in other contexts ;in short, it would not surprise me in the least if I posted something to a filter, and people chatted about it afterwards in the pub with people not on that filter - it happens. If you post something that causes your good friends concern, they may want to have a chat about it with someone in order, ultimately, to help you. If you post something juicy, it may well get gossiped about. The only answer is to really stick to a rule of not posting anything - anywhere, to any filter - that you wouldn't want to get out. If you want something kept confidential, don't blog it!

editor and I are semi-constantly logged in as each other, that's just the way things are. If anybody on LJ doesn't want him to see something, I wouldn't post it to me, and vice versa.

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From:atreic
Date:September 1st, 2005 08:59 am (UTC)
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Well, yes. But the question was raised, and I thought it only fair to try and answer it, as I like the_alchemist, even if the only thing I could conclude was "people talk". And just in case there were others on my friends list who hadn't worked out that people talk, well, I felt I may as well tell them.

It probably looks slightly less nutty on my friends list, where "everyone else" (ie other histories people) tried to answer it first. Besides, I never claimed not to be nutty...
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From:lisekit
Date:September 1st, 2005 11:05 am (UTC)
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Soz, I mean the original post came across as a bit nutty, not yours! My bad for not making that clear. I mean, (and you have to imagine me saying this in a neutral tone), it really is no good posting something you consider personal, and then huffing and puffing when people read it.

I guess you blog and learn. I just think the nature of the technology is not really directed at keeping things private - you can indicate by using filters that you'd prefer for things not to go any further, but really, if you've blogged it, you've put it out there.

Conversely, if you go snooping in anybody's journal when you're not supposed to and find something you don't like, that pretty much is your own lookout, too!
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From:piqueen
Date:September 1st, 2005 08:40 am (UTC)
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Noone else reads my lj friends list but I do talk to my SO about lots of stuff. However, if it's something I don't think he needs to know and it doesn't have an emotional impact on me then I tend not to mention it. How much this is due to the fact there are only limited hours in the day and we don't tend to have enough time to talk to each other about everything we are emotionally impacted by I can't say.

I do make a distinction between people he only knows through me and mutual friends though and I tend to be much more careful with mutual friends.

What started this by the way? Or should I not ask?
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From:atreic
Date:September 1st, 2005 09:05 am (UTC)
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From:illusive_shelle
Date:September 1st, 2005 09:16 am (UTC)
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I have about 3 different passwords to access the various email accounts/livejournal/paypal accounts, and I have given out one or other of the passwords before now to a S.O. Usually it's because they've deleted an email with important information and I've still got a copy of the email in my inbox. It's easier/quicker to tell them the password over the phone and let them retrieve the email than it is to wait until I manage to get to a computer and check for myself.

Sometimes I'm told not to tell my other half and in those cases I tend to respect that person's wishes. If it is is something I am generally told to keep quiet or if I read it in a locked post, I would probably mention it to them if it was worrying me or I was specifically asking for their advice.
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From:arkannath
Date:September 1st, 2005 01:45 pm (UTC)
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It's true, she doesn't tell me any gossip. Woe! :-P
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